Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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