In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Buhtt sex?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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