Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
