I have demons in me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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