ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
