all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
