it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
