Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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