just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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