spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My ass is underappreciated
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
