he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
