Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
