Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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