too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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