My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
