I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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