the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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