Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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