Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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