I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
