I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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