College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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