mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
