i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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