Little spoons don't ask big questions
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
