You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
