I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
