I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
