You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
