Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
