Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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