I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
