I love black thongs
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Green mimosas i think yes
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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