I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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