you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
