New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
