Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
