Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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