am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize
