I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
