I can text with my tongue
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
