no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
