I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
