found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Randomize
