my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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