i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
