I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
where are my eyebrows?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
