Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
