just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
