I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I want to walk on stilts...naked
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
