Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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