WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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